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"When love is lost, it's not the letting go of your loved one that will hurt the most... It's the holding on to them that will be killing you."

Therefore I decided to take the leap of faith. I chose out and it's killing me inside. In all that has happened, I still need to put up a strong front so as to not have my close ones worry. Why should it be this difficult?? Why did this happen?? For what reason did this happen?? What lesson am I suppose to learn from this!?!?!?!?!? Does everything really happen for a reason?? Does the saying 'what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger' really true?? I cannot be doing this alone....

A brand new start

Don't you just sometimes wish that time will stop? That we could just take a moment, stop whatever that we're doing and just take in all that is around us. What is it you ask. Life. To be thankful and grateful that we're still around to enjoy whatever it is that we're doing, with food on the table and a roof on top our heads. 2009 has come to an end now, with a promising 2010. It's scary how time flies by without us noticing it. So I ask that all of you cease the opportunity to go out, get wild, and do whatever it is that you've always wanted to do for time waits for no man. I wish all a HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2010 bring nothing but happiness, success, good health and more wealth!

X'mas

It's the time of the year again. Christmas. Another year has come and gone. It's scary how time flies. I still remember celebrating my last. Doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I guess the spirit has not rubbed on me yet. 4 days to it, but I don't feel excited whatsoever. Funny. :) Nevertheless, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. Have a blessed one and may Santa bring you all the presents that you've wished for on your list.

Choice

"I don't have a choice." "It's not like I have a choice." Don't we always hear that same old overused excuse? Yes, you seen right. I wrote excuse. It is an excuse because we all HAVE a choice. We've always had and always will. But people choose not to choose. Why? Because it's easier having to think that we don't have a choice. That way, we don't have to break away from the old habit. People sometimes hate change. They rather choose to choose the bad/worse/lesser of the two choice because they want the easy way out. For example, get a new job when you're unhappy with the old, dump your current boyfriend cause he's a total asshole, or even tell your friend she's a bitch. Come to think of it, people choose not to choose because they're afraid of the unknown. Afraid that the new job will be worse than the previous, afraid that they'll never find someone better, afraid they'll never have another friend. I guess sometimes, we, as humans; thinking, living beings, need to take the leap of faith for we don't know what better things lie ahead of us. I think I need to take the leap of faith. I need change. I need to make a choice.

another milestone

A quarter of a century. Yeap, that's how old I am, or rather how young I am. Time flies. I still feel 18. I feel as though I've not grown up, or rather, I try to believe that I have not. For growing up means more responsibilities. But I'm not up for any of that. I wish I was 7 again, sometimes. Carefree, reckless, careless, relaxed. Free of worries. Probably, the only worry I'd have would be the spanking I'll get when I get home.

Believe has it that with age comes wisdom. Ha ha. On the contrary, I think as I age, I age with stupidity. I'm not any smarter, if any, I've been getting myself into making some stupid decisions and acting nonsensically. When and at how old will I start to act like an adult? I've yet to find out.

2 down..

My recent trip to Paris...

anGry!

Have you ever been so mad that you don't know what to do? You're so angry you feel like punching that wall, but not angry enough to do such a stupid thing because you'll only hurt your hand? So infuriated that you just feel like throwing anything within grasp, for example, your mobile, but sane enough to think that if it breaks, you'll have to waste money and get a new one?

Seriously, what do you do when you're that mad? Most of us can't think straight by now. But I'm surprised that I still can. Ha ha. If that person was right in front of me, I would have punched him in the face. Then again, come to think of it, it's just a figure of speech. I'm usually not violent. I'll just give them the silent treatment. Or cry. I'm very good at that. Especially keeping quiet. I can keep quiet for hours. Then I'd go to bed angry! I wish I can let it out sometimes. But I've thought better of it. All hell would break loose if I ever lose my temper.

But sometimes, anger is only something you choose to feel. You can totally ignore it if you want, which is usually very difficult to do. But it can be done. I am angry right now because I chose to do what I did. And I can't complain because I should have known and I asked for it. Therefore, I shouldn't even be angry at the first place. Cause, really, I should have known better. And I can't complain to anyone because they'll only say, "I told you so." So, this is really a displeasure I would have to deal with, on my own. I remind myself all the time that life's too short to be feeling this way.